The Seaside Beckons
by BAMFstoat
Summary: Forget that second genre, weird freaky stuff isn't available yet so I just went splat and chose that. This is a very serious story that brings a tear to my eye every time I read it. Heh. If there's dodged up symbols in chap 5, I'm trying ta sort it!
1. Of Talking Houseplants

Ok so first of all the stating of the obvious. I don't, never have and never will own the X-Men. Got it? Good. If there's some stuff you don't understand cos you call it something different in another country (I've had LOADS of experience of this) somehow tell me and I'll put a little translation thingy in the next chapter. If I remember. Welcome to the first load of incomprehensible rubbish that I've written! Ok its not that rubbish, but if you get the story all the way through I think you deserve a prize. Hint. DON'T TRY AND USE YOUR BRAIN DURING THIS COS IT WONT WORK. I have a very odd imagination and this is just something I started doing for no apparent reason. LET THE ODDNESS BEGIN!  
  
THE X-MEN GO TO.  
THE SEASIDE!  
  
It was a bright and sunny day. In a bright and sunny state. In a bright and sunny country. In a bright and sunny continent. In a bright and sunny world. In a bright and sunny solar system. In a bright and sunny galaxy. In a bright and sunny universe. In a bright and sunny.whatever. Inside the Mansion House that self destructed a lot but got rebuilt in a couple of days (it's amazing the technology available now) a group of little ants were having supper. But that's not what this stories about.  
  
The Masses: Aww!  
  
Yes I know it's cruel, I am feeling quite inquisitive as to how the ants got on, but there is a far more interesting story out there. It follows the adventures of the X-Men as they go on a little pointless trip to the seaside. Why is it pointless? Well you don't need a reason to go to the beach.  
  
We join them as they are told the scrumptious news whilst eating tea.  
  
(The ants sound pretty good don't they)  
  
"Wow! Doesn't the food taste even greater when you've cooked it yourself!" squealed Logan, his chef hat he bought for $10 still perched at a jaunty angle on his head.  
  
"Not veally, ven I think of all ze effort we put into making this yummy food, it makes me almost not vant to eat it," sighed Kurt.  
  
Everyone gave him shocked looking eyes, apart from Scott for obvious reasons, or maybe he did, hmm.I shall ponder on that. Ponder, ponder, ponder, ponder.(Ooh look! An echo!)  
  
"Almost!" assured Kurt handing them back their eyes and proceeded to EAT EAT EAT!!! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!  
  
(The BBC would like to apologise for that psychotic outburst)  
  
Charles watched them tuck in, inwardly sad at the lack of help he had given the bunch of kids that lived in his house at cooking the food. No one thought of disabled people when they invented cooking. Especially not bald ones. It was dangerous with his shiny head and all the shiny pots, many people where temporarily blinded by the flashing lights once. He sighed and drooled a bit.  
  
"Children! Children!" he said tapping a glass with his spoon, "children! It's time for me to tell you about your pointless trip this year!"  
  
"Woohooo! Yay! Great! Yeeees! Jajajajajajaja!" screamed Rogue. Then she remembered that wasn't how she behaved and said, "woopee."  
  
"Riiiiiiiiiiiight." said the Prof. as he stuck his little finger near his sumptuous lips and stroked a handy white Persian cat.  
  
(DIE CAT DIE!)  
  
(The BBC would like to apologise for that outburst as well)  
  
"Er, did you just turn into Dr. Evil professor?" asked Scott.  
  
"No son, no, now where's No. 2 Scotty boy?" asked Xavier.  
  
"Hang on a sec," said Jean Jean Grey and threw a bucket of water at Charles.  
  
"Thanks I needed that." Said Prof. X  
  
"So where are we going on our pointless trip Charles?" asked Jean Jean.  
  
"Well, I was thinking to.THE SEASIDE!"  
  
"YAY!" they all yelled in unison, even Charles, why? WHY? WHY?  
  
"Charles, why are we going to the seaside? Don't you get stuck in the sand?" asked JAMIE!*  
  
"Why JAMIE, you brilliant TV presenter, it's because I have modified my wheelchair so it is now a...hovercraft!" answered Mr. Bald.  
  
"Can we have a demo?" asked Logan.  
  
"Why of course!" beamed Charles as his wheelchair shot straight up in the air and he shot of up the stairs singing odd songs that have no meaning unless you speak Lortuhgaf which you don't cos I just made that up.  
  
"Bye Charles!" shouted everyone. Everyone. Maybe I should tell you who everyone is. Or maybe not cos I'll forget. Ok, everyone apart from the kids who appear in the background and are gone and then you forget their names is there. Yup. Apart from Storm cos I don't like her.  
  
"Wow guys! We're going to the seaside! That is so like, great!" squealed Logan.  
  
(Hah! You thought that was Kitty! Well it wasn't, and she isn't in this story either cos I don't like her. Hah!)  
  
"Ya! I know what you mean hun!" said Beast.  
  
(Ok, I'm in one of those moods)  
  
"Like wow shall we get packed then?" whistled Logan. (AND WHY NOT!)  
  
"Yes. Let us depart. Go forth and pack my fellow X-Men!" boomed Rogue.  
  
"Woah Rogue! Did you just turn into a man!" asked Jean Jean.  
  
"No puny mortal, not I!"  
  
"Well guys, I have to go, I need to go and eat some baked beans and become the Kiwi Ranger!" said Jamie and he jumped out the window and flew away.  
  
And so the X-Men ran off to pack. They packed the essentials. They packed the necessities. They packed a dictionary.  
  
"La di dah!" sang Logan as he put his pink sarong in with his skirts. In his OTHER suitcase was his Logan clothes. Yeah. Tuff guy! Waay! Well 'ard!  
  
"Oh Esmerelda, how your eyes sparkle no?" he said lovingly to his rubber ducky before tucking her in lovingly with Frederica and Theodore his little woolly sheep.  
  
"Tut tut Logan." Said Kurt as he teleported in to get a, thing, from Logans room.  
  
(I REALLY haven't thought this out)  
  
"You should know that rubber ducks are banned on ze beach under ze new law after that unfortunate incident viz the rubber ducks and ze lifeguard."  
  
"Aw shucks I forgot!" groaned Logan.  
  
"FEEL THE LOVE BIG GUY!" cried Kurt as he hugged Logan.  
  
"I love you baby!" said Logan.  
  
"Woah, what happened there?" asked a confused and disorientated Kurt, "vun minute I vas getting the thing, then I'm hugging Logan, eek!" and he teleported off. Sounds of maniacal laughter came from Xaviers room as he swung around in his wheelchair/hovercraft. I think we know who was behind it kids. Yes we do!  
  
And so the X-Men were ready in the correct clothing for an excursion to the seaside. They stood in line for inspection by a houseplant, but not just any houseplant, a TALKING houseplant!  
  
"OK! I WILL GO THROUGH THE LIST! WHEN I GET TO YOU ON THE LIST YOU WILL SAY YES PLANT! AND I WILL INSPECT YOU. UNDERSTAND?"  
  
"Yes Plant sir."  
  
"Good. First up. Grey, Jean Jean."  
  
"YES PLANT!"  
  
"Ok Grey, Jean Jean, you look ready and prepared. Many of you here could take a leaf out of her book. Notice the Elton John glasses so she will blend right in with the crowd. Take your gaze down and look at her shoes. Oversized clown shoes. Very sensible. Legwear. Cycle shorts. Good choice. Top. Metal chest plate. You're sorted!"  
  
Jean Jean beamed, it was the first time she was allowed to dress herself. And the houseplant approved! That made her year!  
  
And so he went down the list, showing nothing but praise for most of the assembled kids apart from Beast, cos he aint a kid! Hah! Aren't I funny!  
  
"Ok suddenly talking houseplant, are we ready?" asked Charles.  
  
"Aye aye cap'n!"  
  
"Good, then it shall start! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"  
  
To be continued.  
  
++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Will they get to the beach? Will the houseplant ever get mentioned in this story again? Do they win the fashion award? Do you care? Find out..soon!  
  
*It's not THAT Jamie, this is JAMIE the greatest TV presenter in the world! Friends of moi will know what I'm going on about even if no one else does!  
  
I'm enjoying writing like a psycho( It's fun!  
  
ADIOS!  
  
FLY FISH FLY! GRAKKkkkKK! 


	2. Of The YMCA

"Yes! Maybe! Probably not! Not really!"

The masses: What was all that about?

Moi: I was answering the little questions I put at the bottom of chapter 1 for dramatic effect.

So you're sticking around eh? Well if you thought that last chapter was weird, you've never seen me on a sugar high! I will write the big climax to this story on a sugar high, if I ever do a climax that is!

Thanks ribbetfrog, there will probably be more, and I really can't do normal, trust me I tried!

And Mrs. Videl Son, I agree it is a wonderful outfit! And the Jean Jean thing came about ages ago when I was talking to one of my friends and Jean Genie was on the radio and I thought 'Jean Grey is such a boring name, I'll call her Jean Jean Grey!' Imaginative huh!

So where were we? Oh yeah, they have been inspected by the Suddenly Talking Houseplant who, I've heard, is going to have a cameo appearance in an up and coming episode of Evo so look out!

"Ok kids! Lets get going! Last one to the X-Beachmobile is a rotten egg!" called BEAST as he ran off.

"BEAST! You don't drive TO the beach on the X-Beachmobile, that would be stupid!!" shouted Scott, "we go on the X-Unicycle! Duh!"

BEAST hit himself, "how could I be so STUPID!"

"Don't worry, not everyone has my special intelligence," comforted Scott.

"Is everybody here?" asked Charles sweetly as he clapped his little hands together.

"Yes o master!" boomed Rogue.

"Will you stop doing that!" pleaded Jean Jean, "it's getting freaky!"

"Doing what?" she said in her normal, annoying accent.

"Can you see this storyline going anywhere soon?" asked the Suddenly Talking Houseplant from inside the house cos it's a HOUSEPLANT!

"Not in the next couple of centuries," sighed Scott. 

"Oh no!" wailed an exceedingly sad Logan, "the X-Unicycle is BROKEN! Someone tried putting a wheelchair attachment on it!"

All eyes rested on a shifty looking Charles. When they were done resting and wouldn't be disturbed he said, 

  
"Let's just go in the van shall we?"

"Can I just make a quick phone call?" asked Scott, "I need to arrange something for Kurt's birthday."

DUN DUN DER!

"Ok."

"Hi, do you do bookings? Yeah, good. No I met you once. In Brazil I think. Yeah. No he's a HUGE fan. No he ISN'T. No, he just likes the song. Ok. See you then. Address? It's The Big Mansion House That No one Suspects, Bayville, Somewhere in America, got that? Good. Bye!"

"I'm done!" he said putting down the phone.

"Let's rock and roll!" chirruped Charles and started rolling backwards and forwards in his wheelchair, quite a feat when you think about it.

And so everyone got in the van. But who could drive? Someone who wouldn't look suspicious if someone saw them or the police pulled them over, they unanimously decided on BEAST! 

"Can I sing a song please?" asked Kurt.

"I dunno, what do you want to sing?" replied Logan.

"I shall sing it and you vill see!"

"Ok."

"Ahem, Y-M-C-A! It's fun to stay at ze Y-M-C-A! Zey got-"

He was cut off as Jean Jean stuffed that convenient cat from the first chapter in his mouth.

"Aw," sighed Charles, "I was doing all the actions as well!"

And so the journey continued with a sulky professor, a blue furry guy with a white fluffy cat in his mouth and a lot of VERY fashionable outfits.

"I wanna ice-cream!" squealed Charles as they drove past an ice-cream selling device.

"OH NO!" shouted BEAST, because the person selling the ice-cream was-

"MAJOR TOM!"

(Yes I have been listening to too much David Bowie)

"Oh hi!" said Major Tom, "nice to see you all again!"

By the way, they could talk like this because when BEAST shouted 'OH NO!' he took his eyes off the road and crashed into a post box. That's a lesson for life kids, NEVER take your eyes off the road, it's dangerous not only to you, your passengers, other people, but also the post boxes of this world. No one thinks of them.

"Why are you selling ice-cream Major Tom?" asked Scott.

"It's a long and complicated story," sighed M. Tom, "I'd rather not go into it."

Happy Ice-Cream Central to Major Tom! crackled a voice over a load speaker, We pay you to sell ice-cream not to talk to people going on pointless trips to the beach!

"I'd better go!" said Major Tom, "bye!" and continued to sell ice cream from a foot away so why did he say bye? Beyond me.

And so thanks to a handy continuity error that fails to follow on from the van being smashed into a post box, the gang continued on their way to the spooky haunted mansion, I mean the beach, they're not from Scooby Doo. No.

BACK IN THE VAN

"Zoinks!" shouted Jean Jean.

"Charlesy Charlesy X!" howled Charles.

"Jinkies!" wailed Logan.

I said NOT from Scooby Doo.

That's more like it.

And after that quick going off topic and character section, I will continue with the story. Ja.

"How long vill it be until ve get zere?" asked Kurt.

"Another couple of hours, but I can speed it all up by cutting straight to us being there," squawked BEAST.

"Hmm, ja, do zat."

And so accompanied by cheesy 70's music, they rounded a convenient corner and then cut to them nearing the beach.

"You know, this would be a great moment for us to be attacked by the Brotherhood or whatever they call themselves now," commented Rogue.

"Yeah it would, where are they?" asked a puzzled looking Bobby.

(Look these characters will just appear and disappear so don't try and keep up, appear and disappear, appear and disappear, appear and disappear, appear and disappear, appear and disappear.)

"Fish, Fish, Fish, Fish" repeated Lance hugging his legs to his chest and rocking backwards and forwards. The rest of the people who were the bad guys were in a similar state.

"NO MORE! NO MORE! NO MORE!" wailed Blob, I've forgotten his name, "NO MORE!"

Pie-man was blowing raspberries in the corner and waggling his head around. Toad was dramatically holding the salt shaker thingy that came from somewhere but no one knows where. Mystique had changed into David Dickinson and was repeatedly saying, 'Cheap as chips'. Magneto was playing with fridge magnets trying to make them stick to him and Pyro and Gambit who I think are with the baddies at some point were both lying on their backs with their arms and legs stuck straight up. That Wanda person was singing the Teletubby theme tune.

Back at the van-

"By using my telepathy which I seem to be able to use sometimes but not always, it appears to me that the bad guys are so confused as to what they are called, that they have all gone psycho." Charles said.

"Bien! Los tomates son mi vicio!" shouted Kurt.*

"What?!" scoffed Jean Jean.

"I thought you were German!" dribbled Scott.

"El proximo fin de semana voy a ir al cine!"**

"He's turned Spanish!"

Oh no! What a cliffhanger ending!

Will the bad people ever decide on a name? Will I stop listening to David Bowie? Is Kurt actually Spanish? IS it cheap as chips? What IS Kurt's birthday surprise? You know it, find out soon!

I apologise for any bad Spanish, what they should say is:

*I am addicted to tomatoes.

**Next weekend I am going to the cinema.

So that's that chapter. Maybe next time I should write it without the radio on. Maybe. Personally, I don't think this is as good as chapter 1 but then again, they haven't got to the beach yet. I might add in a chapter at some point after using spell check, some of the suggestions you get!

Oh yeah and some of the things like 'scoffed Jean Jean' are just me using words I like and not much else. 


	3. Of Singing On The Beach

Ribbetfrog-now you know! The ice-cream selling businesses appealed to him, don't ask me why!

WormmonABC I would but the links I got didn't work!

Bri-Yami-neko I'll see what I can do, I had a feeling gravity was hiding something from me, naughty gravity!

Nightcrawling Elf, I couldn't agree more. But it was a TERRIBLE accident that stopped this, the poor lifeguard…

And that's just the responding-to-reviews-section! Thanks everyone, nice to know some people are reading it! Well anyway, this section took longer to write cos it involved board meetings with members of the board. Yeah. Ok, I'm getting inspiration from my friends through e-mail, which is a kind of board meeting. Kind of.

"The Jean Genie lives on his back The Jean Genie loves chimney stacks He's outrageous, he screams and he bawls Jean Genie let yourself go!" sang Jean Jean.

(It's on the radio now, in the words of Charles, 'I couldn't resist it')

"Ok Jean, thank you," gibbered BEAST, "but if I want to hear I'll turn on the radio sugar!"

"I, just love that song though cos it has my name in HANK," she replied fluttering her eyelids behind her Elton John glasses.

"I'm driving I chose the song," said BEAST, "and I want to hear a song about STOATS!"

"Hmm," thought Charles, "I'll see what I can do."

(I LOVE STOATS! STOATS ARE COOL! GO STOAT GO!)

"OH NO!" said a shocked Charles.

"VAT VAT VAT!" pleaded Kurt. (He want's a vat)

"THERE ARE NO SONGS ANYWHERE ABOUT STOATS!"

And everyone cried.

"I shall sing a song I wrote myself," announced Scott, "ahem; 

Pickled eggs, from pickled chickens,

Taste so nice, specially with Charles Dickens,

I love salad cream and tommy sauce, 

Let's go and dress a horse!

We are so great, we love the fox,

The fat fox, rox my sox!

La la la doo doo lah.

Beebody dah!

Let's kill cheese with large brooms of fudge,

And let's throw beans at elefunts.

The sky is bright and sunny,

Ha ha that's so funny!

A few hours later-

"So, Beastie, what stops us all flying around?" asked Bobby.

"Well, many people want you to believe it's just gravity, but I think I can prove it that actually, a veeeeeery thin layer of honey butter."*

"Wow, that's like, so deep!"

"I know my child, use this knowledge wisely."

"Aren't we there yet?" asked Scott, "cos after that handy time leap in the last chapter, weren't we 'nearing the beach'? Cos we've been going for ages!"

"Yes, that is a puzzling thought," muttered Jean Jean.

"Oh well, as long as we get there in the end! I'm so excited! EEEE!" squealed Logan.

"Companions, turn your gaze to 70 degrees north, you shall see an uplifting sight!" boomed Rogue.

"There you go again!" wailed Jean Jean, "WHY WHY WHY!"

Nevertheless they looked in the aforementioned direction. There was the door to the beach! THE DOOR TO THE BEACH!

"wow." Said Charles completely gob smacked.

"Sorry," apologised BEAST, "the wind blew my hand in you face!"

"Yeah right!"

"SILENCE! NO ARGUING!" shouted Charles.

"He started it!" protested Kurt.

"Silence!"

"I-"

"Shush!"

And the van neared the doors to the beach. 

"Children, children, children, 'tis time for us to sing the great X-Men-At-The-Beach-Song!" announced Charles taking his wheelchair/hovercraft onto the roof of the van.

"Hang on," said Scott.

"WHAT NOW?"

"Er, well, wasn't Kurt Spanish? We seem to have forgotten that, can we just, clear that up?" when he said that he kind of went up and down with his finger to emphasise his point. EMPHASISE!

"Oh yeah, thanks for reminding me! Kurt, are you Spanish?"

"Vell, I thought zat because I seemed to learn Eenglish really fast, I mean I'm near perfect and no vun else speaks anozer language, zat I may az vell learn Spanish." And he shrugged. Shoulders go, up down.

"Hmmm, you're traces-of-an-accent are going into weirder areas you know," commented Logan.

"Vell so vud yurs if you ver as vunderberg as ve! I have suzh a huve brain so zat I am fluent in ezery langvidge under ze sun zat my accent got confused."

"O-KAY! Now let's sing the song eh?" interrupted Charles.

"If you say so," mumbled everyone.

(I will not say a specific person, just everyone.)

"Ahem, this is the great X-Men-At-The-Beach-Song!" shouted Charles at the top of his little bald lungs, "and may The Force be with you!)

The X-Men arranged themselves in a suitable manner doing the correct poses which were to pinch the top of their noses and point their toes, point, point.

"LET US SING," bellowed Rogue.

And they did, for 15 hours, here's the abridged version:

"BOOOM! BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOOM!" started BEAST.

"We are happy, we are good,

We're from a classy neighbourhood,

We've come to the beach to have some fun,

To enjoy the sand, the sea and sun!" they started in kind of unison.

Logan then stepped forward with a long, white flowing robe on and sung in a high pitched, but graceful voice,

"The beach, the beach,

Eat a peach, eat a peach,

We are the X-Men at the beach,

The X-Men at THE BEACH!"

Towards the end his voice grew in strength, volume and highness. Kurt and Scott tap-danced in from the side with straw hats perched on their heads at jaunty angles and holding canes out in front of them with both hands.

"Weeeaeeell, let's make a sand-hole!

Fill it with water!

Dunk fish in!

Start kissin'!

Cooooooooooos!

We are the X-Men!

The X-Men at the beach!

Singing a song,

A song like this!

Scott then slid forward on his knees,

"Siiiiiiiiiiiingiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnnnnnnggggggg-"

Then Kurt joined him,

"A SOOOOOOOOOOOOONNGGGGGGG!"

Jean Jean and Rogue were doing some kind of ballet moves, at least, I think it was ballet."

"La. LA. LAAAAAA.

We are graceful,

Sand is good.

WE love THE beach."

And then they went off. Yeah. There's was very short cos they were very naughty and didn't spend much time on their section. Finally, Charles and BEAST kind of 'jived' into the designated dancing/singing space.

"Yo, yo!" started Beast.

"Yo I'm the bald Prof,

The smart man bof,

Me chair has wheels,

Me legs no feels,

And I wicked,

Wi-wi-wi-wi-wicked!"

BEAST did a little drummy thing impression whilst Charles proceeded to break dance. Then, he stepped forward whilst Charles wiped the sand off his shiny forehead.

"I'm big,

And blue,

Big-big and blue!

Big,

And blue,

Big-big and blue!"

They then stood and sat back to wheelchair.

"Peace out dude!"

Here endeth the X-Men-At-The-Beach-Song.

"Wow, how was Charles break dancing?" asked a confused looking Jean Jean.

"The power of the Exploding Christmas Pudding," explained Rogue.

And they were ready to explore the delights of the beach. Wa-hey! Wow, two songs in one chapter, what an achievement!

"Is everything tickety-boo chaps?"

Oh the suspense! It's killing me, literally! Ack! Uh, splat. (Don't worry I'm not really dead!)

And in true reality TV style, you can now vote in who you want to feature in the next chapter! (Note: I won't take them seriously whoever they are)

1)Storm 2)Gambit 3)Talking Houseplant 4)Ernest the superduck 5)Talking house plant 6)JAMIE


	4. Of Bad Baywatch Impersonations

It's been a long time coming, but here it is. I've actually written a few more chapters on my other computer, but they are rubbish. I can only write half-decent stuff on my old manky computer, the Inspiration Computer! Maybe it's cos it's in my room and I play CDs and watch TV when I'm writing on this one, or maybe it has a mutant power. We shall never know, but anyway, on with the activities!  
  
ACTIVITY 1-BAYWATCH  
  
"So you we live in a place called Bayville, does that mean there's a bay somewhere?" asked Scott.  
  
"Probably. I mean zhere vould be no point ozervise in calling it Bayville vould there?"  
  
"Dunno Kurt, I just don't know."  
  
"Actually, you're both wrong, it's called Bayville because it is home to the Bad Baywatch Impersonators Club, of which I am a very proud member," came a voice. They then saw the source of the voice. Scott dropped the ice cream he'd been holding.  
  
"Vha?" asked Kurt trying to scoop up the dropped ice cream.  
  
"What's the matter?" asked a genuinely confused Charles.  
  
"I, vat do you mean vats up!?" spluttered Kurt.  
  
Charles was wearing a matching bikini and thong and had a knotted Union Jack handkerchief on his shiny bald head.  
  
"Hey, er, what's up with the bikini Charles?" asked Scott innocently.  
  
"I find them comfortable and they make me look damn fine! Man I'm so hot I'm SMOKING! SEXY BEAST COMING THROUGH!" yelled Charles and floated off in his wheelchair/hoverchair.  
  
"Zat vas surreal, shall ve tell ze ozers?"  
  
"No Kurt. They wouldn't believe us, Kurt is that sand and ice cream around your mouth?"  
  
"VAT? I vas hungry and you obviously didn't vant it dropping it on the ground and everyzing!"  
  
They continued to watch the Professor zoom off down the beach, sending girls, (and boys) running off screaming.  
  
  
  
"I am bored puny mortal, make me some Power 8!" boomed Rogue at BEAST.  
  
"Urm, Rogue, didn't you hear? Power 8 is poisonous to mutants," said BEAST.  
  
"I do not care. I am too much in love with Power 8."  
  
Rogue then looked to the side and held up a can of Power 8;  
  
"Power 8, the drink that all truly great people drink!" she took a long swig then wiped her mouth energetically, "mmm! It tastes GREAT!"  
  
She then had a kind of fit and lay in the sand twitching.  
  
"Can't say I didn't warn her," muttered BEAST, "there's no room for product placement in cartoons.  
  
"So, what shall we do?" asked Jean Jean.  
  
"Well, we could show the residents of this beach the proud Baywatch traditions of Bayville," offered Bobby.  
  
"Yes, we shall! I shall get everyone together with my psychic powers!" said Jean Jean.  
  
Soon a little group of X-Men were in the sand. All except Logan who I don't like and so was trying to catch Charles with an overlarge fish net.  
  
"Why do I have to be Drowning Guy#1?" asked Scott.  
  
"You're the only one who can swim," answered Jean Jean, "anyway, you might get a certain girl psychic person saving you," she added.  
  
Instantly Scott did a very very very large sideways flip into the sea.  
  
"Hah! He fell for it!" laughed Jean Jean, "ok, Drowning Guy#2 and Drowning Girl#1 please join him!"  
  
Rogue and BEAST jumped in the water.  
  
"Now let us start our bad rescue attempts!"  
  
"Oh no! In ze vater! A drowning person! I vill save him!" shouted Kurt pointing dramatically out to sea.  
  
He dived in the water and swam with that dodgy red thing to Scott, who had stolen a floaty inflatable thingy from someone and was having a nap.  
  
"Here I come! Oh no! Look how DRAMATICALLY he is DROWNING!" he shouted.  
  
"I, er, what? Oh yeah!" and he jumped off the inflatable and pretended to drown.  
  
"Oh help me help me!" he wailed, "hang on, that was Kurt, and Kurt rescuing people in water = not good! AAAAAAAGHHHHHHH!"  
  
"Hey! Come back! I vont bite zis time, I learned zat! Wait! I haven't got any pizza! Please!"  
  
"ITS TOOOO LAATEEEEEEEE!" shouted Scott who had somehow caught a large fish and was surfing it to shore.  
  
"Darn it!"  
  
  
  
"I will save you Rogue!" shouted Bobby.  
  
"Hey I need no help from you mate!" said Rogue who was standing ankle deep in water.  
  
"No, don't pretend to be brave for me! I shall save you!"  
  
With that he rugby tackled Rogue and they both landed face down in the sea.  
  
"Oh thank you *spit* so *spit* much! I really needed *spit* that!" moaned Rogue sarcastically.  
  
Well that's that game done," muttered Jean Jean.  
  
"What do you mean? Half of us haven't done anything yet!" moaned Kitty.  
  
"Yeah and no ones saved BEAST, hey where'd Kitty come from?" added Scott.  
  
"Don't you get it? Ve are done because zat angry mob is chasing towards us and anyvay BEAST has handily gone home and vhere DID Kitty come from?"  
  
"What angry mob?"  
  
As one the group swung around majestically to reveal a veritable stampede of angered and sickened beach goers.  
  
"Ok, calm people, vat appears to be ze problem?" shouted Kurt over the noise.  
  
"Your stinkin' Professor!" shouted a very hairy man, "e's floatin' round showing his bikini to everyone, and we don't want none of it!"  
  
"Firstly sir, might I recommend a trip to ze barber, and second, zat man iz a very smart man, and now he must leave you all!"  
  
BAMF!  
  
"Ay, where'd ee go?" asked the hairy guy. By now the mob had stopped and was standing around.  
  
"I SHALL TELL YOU WHERE HE WENT PUNY MORTAL! HE WENT TO THE MASTER OF THE UNMORTALS! SOON YOU SHALL KNOW TRUE TERROR!" bellowed Rogue.  
  
"At least this creepy phase has some use," muttered BEAST.  
  
Making the most of this breathing space, the rest of the X-Men dashed off to their little van thingy.  
  
In the relative safety of their van, the X-Men started telling off the naughtiest member of their party.  
  
"You know better than to go around scaring the normal people Professor," scolded Jean Jean, "don't make me wag my finger at you!"  
  
"Jean Jeans right you know Charles," added BEAST, "you were a very naughty boy!"  
  
"No CBEEBIES* Bedtime for you tonight!" scolded Scott.  
  
And so the trip went on. Logan was not as comfortable as he could have been seeing as he was sellotaped to a piece of wood with lots of nails on that dragged behind the van. But that's the least he deserved. New plot twist- they're going on a beach crawl, seeing as it would be SO unbelievable if they did all that stuff on one beach, so they're going on tons! YAY!  
  
  
  
The first adventure on the beach! I have many more ideas which include a re- visit from Major Tom! Yay!  
  
*CEBEEBIES is probably one of the worst digital TV channels out there. Aimed at 3 year olds, it still manages to insult their intelligence. It features such wonderful programmes as Bob The Builder, The Teletubbies, Tweenies and any other trash children's programme the BBC can think of to waste TV license payers money on.  
  
The Power 8 thing had to be mentioned seeing as it's kind of an obsession of me and my friends now. I actually saw two Power 8 vans drive past once, so there is actually a Power 8 company! DUN DUN DER! 


	5. Of Hulkie And A Blender

Ribbetfrog oh loyal reviewer, I hope the ravenous monkeys will leave you be now, and in this wonderful feast of a chapter, the moment you've all been waiting for, the return of Major Tom! The suspense is killing me! So, let the good times roll!  
  
Oh yeah, good news, I think I understand the whole Brotherhood/Acolytes thing, aint that great!  
  
(^)(^)(^)(^)(^)(^)(^)(^)(^)  
  
All was not well in the X-Van. A certain blue ape guy called HANK hadn't shaken all the sand off his ape body and so they were all now waist deep in sand.  
  
"How do you get so much sand in your fur?" asked Jean Jean.  
  
"Well, I, you'd find out one day I suppose, recently a new part of my mutation started going BLEET, I attract sand to my body, also, have you ever tried getting sand out of fur, it is murder hun!"  
  
"Vell I manage!"  
  
"Well, you are more flexible than me!"  
  
"Vhat-ever!"  
  
"What did you say?" said Beast, hanging close, doing that little peeky thing people looking for a fight do.  
  
"SILENCE! Children, children, break it up! We are nearing a beach, don't make me smack your botties!"  
  
"Well he started it!"  
  
"Did not ape man! Anyvay, I get all the sand off me by standing next to you and letting your sand magnet pick it all off. It vas no secret!"  
  
"I feel so used! How could you!"  
  
"Actually, I er, I do that as well!" admitted Scott.  
  
"And me." Added Jean Jean.  
  
"I do puny ape man!"  
  
"ROGUE STOP IT!"  
  
"Ok, I get the picture, you all see me just as a way to clean the sand off you," sobbed HANK.  
  
"Well yeah, I mean NO!" said Charles, "you are much more than that old friend, who else could I give those dodgy mustard coloured jumpers to at Christmas and expect them to wear the things eh?"  
  
"I spose."  
  
"Now cheer up, we're nearing the second beach!"  
  
"YAY!"  
  
IN THE BACK OF THE VAN  
  
"Ok, I'm confused, who's in this 4 seater van?" asked Jean Jean, "cos it's kinda crowded.  
  
"Vell, zere is Scott, HANK, Charles, Rogue, Jean Jean, Bobby, Kitty and me, I think."  
  
"Don't forget Logan hanging off the back there!"  
  
(Wow, some continuity that is actually right! BOW DOWN TO ME!)  
  
And then the heart to heart conversations began.  
  
"You know when we were on that dodgy cruisey thingy and just before Jean Jean went kind of psycho and flew off onto the dodgy volcano island with me as a passenger AGAINST MY WILL even though it looked like I was enjoying some magical experience, there was those two dodgy huggy people?" said Scott to Kitty.  
  
"Ja, I had that dodgy eyewear whatever it was on, what about it?"  
  
"Well, when the guy walked off, I was so sad."  
  
"Because he hated you because you were different?"  
  
"No, because I thought I had found my shirt twin but he got his shirt from Shirts-R-Us and I got mine from Dodgy-Shirts-Only-Blind-People-Would-Wear, it was heart wrenching!"  
  
"Oh no! I had like no idea that like you were like that close to like finding your shirt twin, I'd like give anything to find mine. Aw, that brings back memories, like when we set the rabid lobsters on like the entire like breakfast eating people, that was like, totally, like, totally, like, totally, like.."  
  
"She's jammed again!" shouted Scott.  
  
"Not again!"  
  
"Yup."  
  
"Hang on, I'm sending Charles round using my psychic abilities!" dribbled Jean Jean and using them flew Charles outside the van and through the tiny window in the back.  
  
"Here goes with the delicate operation," muttered Charles and hit her over the head with a cricket bat.  
  
"How you doin' out there Logan?" he shouted as he flew back inside the van device.  
  
"Quite well you know, hey, is that more heart to hearts I hear?"  
  
"No, you're hearing things."  
  
"I SAID, hey is that more heart to hearts I hear?" Logan repeated.  
  
"And I said.oh yeah, cue the heart to hearts!"  
  
Jazzy music plays and pictures of hearts and the X-Men roll across the screen.  
  
#Hearts are good! But two are better! Three is just plain greeeeeeeeeedy! Listen to 'em sing it out, Things that make them neeeeeeeeedy!#  
  
"And that was when I discovered, I could never touch it again!" sobbed Rogue.  
  
"Wow, zat must have been so hard for you," sighed Kurt,  
  
"Uhuh. It's terrible, you don't know what it's like! Going from day to day, knowing, wanting but never getting."  
  
"Sigh, I could never put up with it, you're so strong!"  
  
"Why's she strong?" asked Bobby, "cos she can't touch people and stuff?"  
  
"No mein freund, because, I can't say it!"  
  
"Yes you can Kurt, c'mon Big Guy, you tell 'im or I will!"  
  
"Vell, she's, alergictomarmite! Aah! I said it!"  
  
"Wow Rogue, you really are brave! Can you not even whisk it?"  
  
"Nuh uh."  
  
(^)(^)(^)(^)(^)(^)(^)(^)(^)  
  
"Aw DARN TOOTIN'!" shouted, hmm, who's driving? Uh.Charles is. Yeah.  
  
"VAT VAT VAT!"  
  
"Kurt, if I've told you once I've told you a million times, you'll get your vat when we get back! It's your birthday remember!" said Jean Jean.  
  
"We're all outta gas!" (That's what they always say on American films, no idea what they're going on about.)  
  
"I'll go and fill it up! I've been eating me beans!" sighed HANK.  
  
And so all the X-Men congregated on the grassy bit next to the roady bit.  
  
"Does he have to fill 'er up like that?" asked Logan.  
  
"Oh yes, it's the only way to get X-Gas!" answered Charles.  
  
PAAAAAAAARP!  
  
"God that stinks!" exclaimed Rogue.  
  
"Sorry!" mumbled Hank, blushing slightly.  
  
And with the van re-gassed, they set off again, heading towards a wonderful wonderful beach. Ja.  
  
"RAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWR!"  
  
"What was that?" asked Logan.  
  
"Oh no! I fear it may be a very convenient plot twist!" answered Charles- the-all-knowing, and sure enough, around the corner came.THE INCREDIBLE HULK!  
  
"Which version of THE INCREDIBLE HULK is it?" asked Hank.  
  
"Vhat do you mean? No hablo Ingles." Said Kurt.  
  
"Ooook. Kurt, we all know you speak English, and we all know you're German, not Spanish. Anyways, what I meant was, is it the giant computer picture expensive HULK, the dodged up wrestling guy who talks weird and wears a big green wig or a bad cartoon?"  
  
"It's worse, much much worse! It's, ALL OF THEM IN A GIANT BLENDER!"  
  
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"  
  
And so the giant blender full of Hulky goodness advanced, very slowly cos blenders find it hard to walk.  
  
ATTENTION ALL READERS AND PEOPLE TO DO WITH THIS, ER, STORY, FRANK, I THINK WE GOT THAT LAST STORY BIT WRONG, ANYWAYS, THIS IS THE AMAZING CAMEO APPEARANCE OF THE AUTHOR AND SISTER IN WHAT IS KNOWN AS THE AMAZING CAMEO APPEARANCE OF THE AUTHOR AND SISTER.  
  
"Cykie, come to me!" shouted Hulkie from inside his giant blender.  
  
Cykie stepped forward, and he waved a large stick at Hulkie.  
  
"Hulkie, wrong cartoon! Now go home before I call the school inspector."  
  
"BUT I LIKE IT!" yelled Hulkie. It was then the terrible truth came out. Hulkie had been possesed by an evil mole!  
  
(Cue dramatic music)  
  
(^)(^)(^)(^)(^)(^)(^)(^)(^)  
  
Well, Major Tom never arrived, and they didn't get to the beach, I got kind of sidetracked. Oh well. There's absolutely no plot to this. Next chapter will probably be the saving of Hulkie from the evil mole. Yeah. Makes no sense huh? I apologise for the dodged up Spanish from Kurt, I have no idea where that came from.  
  
Note to self: Dodgy Spanish video-spoons!  
  
That was to remind me of some new material for this story! Lucky you!  
  
Also I would like to point out that my sister is Hulkie, she felt the rage whilst playing badminton I think, and I'm Cykie for some reason. I'm kind of worried cos both my sisters kind of call me that. I hope I bear no resemblance, Mainly cos I'm a girl but still, the horror the horror! 


	6. Of Evil Pinatas

I'm sorry for the wait but I've been on holiday so, there you go! Well, here's chapter 6! Oh yes, this is going to be going on for a while. Yuppity yuppity yup. This chapter will be mainly Hulkie (Incredible Hulk), Cykie (Cyclops), Charles and Kurt, with maybe a sprinkling of Jean and Wolverine. These characters have a reason behind them that I won't go into because it takes too long. Ja. So onwards! Let the good times roll!  
  
(^)(^)(^)(^)(^)(^)(^)(^)(^)(^)(^)(^)(^)  
  
"Oh no! Hulkie is stuck in that giant blender in all his many different forms!" announced Charles loudly, "I used my mind powers to know that!" he added with a smug smile.  
  
"We could tell that by looooooooking!" said Cykie.  
  
"Wow, vhy did you say looking vith so many oos? Is zhere a deep meaning leading to a troubled past?" asked Kurt.  
  
"Not really, I trod on this rusty nail when I was saying it that's all."  
  
"I hate it when that happens."  
  
"Yeah me too."  
  
"Ahem."  
  
"Yes Charles?"  
  
"Well do you think it would be a good idea to help Hulkie?"  
  
"Hang on a mo, Kurt's just helping me get this nail out."  
  
"Tut tut." Said Charles rolling his eyes.  
  
(Heh heh heh, David Bowies on the radio right now, Ashes to ashes if you want to know what song.)  
  
"Cor it's a big un!"  
  
"Yeah, stings a bit, hey there's a chunk of rust falling off there!"  
  
"Oh yeah! Don't vant zhat getting stuck in your foot vhen it all heals up!"  
  
"Look, will you two hurry up!"  
  
"Patience Charles!"  
  
"Ah! There it is! Vaaaa!"  
  
PSSSSSSSSTTTTTTTTTSSSSSSFFFFFFF  
  
The nail had gone sailing through the air when Kurt tripped over a Yak and landed point first into one of Charles's wheels. Uh oh!  
  
"Zats an interesting angle you are at Professor!"  
  
"DIE! DIE! EVERYBODY DIE!" shouted Charles.  
  
"Yeeeeeah, I zink ve should go."  
  
"I agree," said Cykie, and sure enough..  
  
BAMF!  
  
"So who do you reckon the evil genius behind this attack on Hulkie is then Kurt?"  
  
"Vell, I zink."  
  
"IT WAS I! MAJOR TOM!"  
  
"That was unexpected."  
  
"SILENCE! YOU TWO SHALL NEVER STOP ME FROM MAKING MY OWN RANGE OF NUTRITIOUS RANGE OF HULKIE FLAVOURED SOFT DRINKS!"  
  
"ZOINKS! Vhat are you doing Cykie?"  
  
"I am putting my footwear back on, I can't go saving Hulkie in my bare feat can I? Duh!"  
  
"So vhat shoes are you vearing?"  
  
"Ah! That is a secret only us X-Men know the answer to! What shoes we wear!"  
  
"SILENCE! IN THE IMMORTAL WORDS OF THE SONG THAT FEATURES ME: MY MAMA SAID TO GET THINGS DONE, YOU BETTER NOT MESS WITH MAJOR TOM!"  
  
"Didn't that song also say you were a junky?"  
  
"DON'T BELIEVE ALL YOU HEAR!"  
  
"Then I don't believe what you just said!"  
  
"WHAT, ABOUT NOT BELIEVING ALL YOU HEAR?"  
  
"No the bit before."  
  
"I DON'T REMEMBER."  
  
"Neither do I actually!"  
  
"MY HEAD! IT HURTS TOO MUCH!"  
  
And with that Major Tom keeled over and drooled slightly.  
  
"Ja! You destroyed him!"  
  
"Yes, without violence. That is something we all should do." At this point Cykie turned around to face where the camera would be.  
  
"In life, we all face bad things. Whether it's poisonous fish, bad luck, confusing storylines or giant characters from songs stealing all the Hulks in the world and putting them in a giant blender to make nutritious Hulkie flavoured soft drinks, violence is the fool's ways out. If you can face up to you problems and deal with it without violence, it makes you a better person. I LOVE YOU GUYS!"  
  
Charles then came flying into the scene carrying a large hammer.  
  
"I forgot I'd changed my chair to a hoverchair! Anyway, that isn't Cykie!"  
  
The Masses: GASP!  
  
"But, how can you tell?" asked Kurt.  
  
"Three reasons Kurt, when he stood on the rusty nail, there was a distinct lack of blood, no blood? That sounds suspicious to me!"  
  
"Oh yeah, I didn't notice zhat!"  
  
"Kurt, you were taking the nail out." Said Jean Jean.  
  
"I vas?"  
  
"Remind me never to accept any first aid from you in the future." Said Jean Jean.  
  
"Hey, vhere did you come from Jean Jean?"  
  
"Ahem, may I continue?" shouted Charles. "Thank you, now, number 2, Cykie managed to beat Major Tom by just shouting at it. An X-Man would never do that. It is our duty to destroy the enemy whilst causing as much property damage as possible, by shouting you cause no property damage, and Cykie has one of the best powers for causing property damage so why would he not use it?"  
  
At this point the person who was impersonating Cykie began to edge away.  
  
"Nein you don't!" said Kurt and 'ported over to it and held him in a tight hug.  
  
"And the third reason?"  
  
"Hmm?"  
  
"The third reason Charles why you know that isn't the real Cykie?"  
  
"Oh, he was sitting next to me when I got back in the van."  
  
"Zat vould make sense, so, who's zis?" asked Kurt gesturing with wild head movements the impostor he was hugging.  
  
"THAT is an evil piñata from Magneto's new Evil Piñata army."  
  
DUN DUN DERERERERERER!  
  
"We must destroy it!"  
  
"But how do ve do zat Professor?"  
  
"By exposing it to SPOONS!" and Charles whipped out a spoon with a flourish and waved it at the piñata. It wailed and disappeared with a POP!  
  
"How did you know that Charles?" asked a gobsmacked Cykie, the real one.  
  
"Well let's just say, everybody hurts sometimes."  
  
"Hold on, hold on-"started Cykie.  
  
"EVERYBODY HURTS!"  
  
"No no no no!"  
  
"Woah, I think we just slipped into REM there Prof." Breathed Cykie.  
  
"Hmm.. quite perplexing."  
  
"You're telling me!"  
  
"Ahem! You vere explaining about ze Evil Piñata Army!" reminded Kurt.  
  
"Oh yeah, well anyway, they can only attack on the beach and can only be destroyed with spoons and can make themselves look like other people, that's about it really," finished Charles and flew off doing loop the loops in his little Hover/Wheel chair.  
  
"Our work is never done it seems," sighed Cykie.  
  
"Ja. Um, vell you know my memory is not zat great, could you explain to me vhy ve are out here and over zhere is a giant blender with lot's of green Hulkies in?"  
  
"How should I know? The Evil Piñata was there when we found out what it was. I have no idea why you're here."  
  
"Vhere vere you vhen the Evil Piñata vas here?"  
  
"That is a story for another day my friend, another day."  
  
And they walked off arm in arm into the distance.  
  
(^)(^)(^)(^)(^)(^)(^)(^)(^)(^)(^)(^)(^)  
  
What an unexpected plot twist! Next chapter: the evil people are setting an ambush on the beach! DUN DUN DER! Major Tom was the evil soft drink making guy! I am really worried by the fact that every time I sit down at this computer to carry on with this and put on the radio, David Bowie comes on. It's creepy. Yes. Anyways, what a convenient plot twist! Evil Piñatas are taking over the beaches which just happens to be where the X-Men are! Coincidence or what! By the way, Hulkie was freed by a passing Stoat and lived happily ever after! Remember- IT'S A BEAUTIFUL DAY! DON'T LET IT GET AWAY!  
  
(I just sat down to check this, and guess who's on the radio? Yup, David Bowie. Getting creepy now.)  
  
Where did the spoon thing come from? Read Private Eye and yup, there's a bit called Me And My Spoon or something like that. 


	7. Of The Village XMen

This update has been a while in coming, mainly due to rubbish. Yup, this is about version 5 of this chapter, and hopefully, it's better than versions 1- 4. I also wrote a movie story, which I'm still trying to decide whether to put up or not. Oh well, ONWARDS MIGHTY STALLIONS!  
  
(^)(^)(^)(^)(^)(^)(^)(^)(^)(^)(^)(^)(^)(^)  
  
The X-Men were reclining in an upright position on Beach Squeaky. The few scattered plastic spoons and scraps of piñata were all that was left of their epic battle, finished only moments ago. Nearly every member of the motley crew was stuffing their faces with SWEETS! (Or candy, whatever you prefer!) A nearby dentist was tutting in their general direction and waving his mirror-on-a-stick thingy at them.  
  
"Ah! What a perfect ending to my birthday!" said Kurt.  
  
"You know what would make it even more perfect, er, an ending," said Scott sllllyly, "THE VILLAGE PEOPLE!"  
  
And with that, the Village People leapt out from their crafty hideout under a rock and started to sing that classic ditty, 'YMCA'. Of course, the X-Men joined in. Of course they were dressed up as the Village People. And they had all grown dodgy moustaches. Even the girls. Cos that's what they do. Wear odd clothes. Yay.  
  
"Young man!" started Charles shaking his hips in his chair of wheels and sweeping his finger that was in a pointing pose around the beach.  
  
"There's no need to feel down!" continued Hank. He was the Red Indian.  
  
"I said young man!" sang Charles, still rotating slightly, his biker jacket flapping in the wind.  
  
"Pick yourself off the ground!" sang Logan. He was swaying from side to side and jumping up and down doing a weird shaky pointy thingy with his fingers.  
  
"I said young man!" repeated Charles who was now holding his hands behind his shiny head and belly dancing.  
  
"Cause you're new in a town!" joined in Bobby, shaking his whole body to the beat, his cowboy hat nestled snugly on his head.  
  
"There's no need"  
  
"To be," added Scott and Jean Jean, the policeman and other dude.  
  
"UNHAPPY!" chorused the whole gang.  
  
"Young man," sang Charles, this time peering through his little eyes and clawing at the air whilst growling. Trying to be sexy I think.  
  
"There's a place you can go!" sang Logan the builder, who found a hammer on his tool belt and was swinging it round his head as he did that wavy thing with his arms.  
  
"I said young man," the biker Charles said, going back to the belly dancing.  
  
"When you're short of your dough," sang Scott, doing the train impression thing with his arms and chicken neck.  
  
"You can stay there," trilled Hank doing a pirouette so his feathery hat thing fluttered in the wind.  
  
"And I'm sure you will find," sand Jean Jean, who with the aid of her MIND powers was doing little loop the loops in the air.  
  
"Many ways to have," started Bobby.  
  
"A GOOD TIME!" shouted everyone.  
  
"It's fun to stay at the," this time sung by the real Village People.  
  
"YMCA!" yelled the Village X-Men, leaning in from the left and right, before promptly going again.  
  
"It's fun to stay at the," sang the Village People again.  
  
"YMCA!"  
  
"They have everything for young men to enjoy!" sang the Real Village People, hereon known as the RVP.  
  
"You can hang out with all the boys!" finished Charles, doing wild movements with his eyebrows.  
  
"ABRIDGED VERSION!" yelled Hank. So they did an abridged version and skipped some of it.  
  
"Young man!" Charles sang.  
  
"I was once in your shoes!" sang Jean Jean, hands on hips and rotating slowly.  
  
"I said I was down and out with the blues!" sang Logan off key.  
  
As the song continued in the background Scott muttered to Bobby,  
  
"Do you actually know this bit?"  
  
"Nope. I only know the chorus, woah!"  
  
"It's fun to stay at the," sang RVP.  
  
"YMCA!"  
  
"It's fun to stay at the,"  
  
"YMCA!"  
  
"FREESTYLE!" roared Charles at the top of his little bald lungs even though he had no idea what that meant. And so the Village X-Men teamed up with the Village People versions of themselves and sang whatever they wanted.  
  
"YMCA! YMCA! YMCA! YMCA!" repeated Jean Jean and Hank, who were really getting into it, although they got the dance moves mixed up with the macarena.  
  
"Young man!" shouted Charles very high pitched-ly. He also started indicating at various young men who were also on the beach. They were afraid. Very afraid.  
  
Bobby and Logan stood around rotating and doing graceful arm movements. The Village People continued to sing.  
  
"Hey Kurt, whaddya think?" asked Scott whilst still boogieing.  
  
"I, it's, I'm sorry I'm just so emotional!" wailed Kurt, tears in his little yellow eyes.  
  
"Anything for you little blue buddy!" said Scott, spreading his arms wide.  
  
"Vell, vhere did you find zhem?" asked Kurt, "zhey must be so popular, vhen did you meet zhem, how did you get zhere number? Oh I'm so excited!"  
  
"Weeeell, remember that time I kind of got stranded in the middle of a desert in Mexico, who knows in what craaaaaazy way I got there, but there you go, there were some very vicious racoon wolves, that were badly animated, well, after I fell down the cliff of doom, after trudging through a desert and attacking the racoon wolves, but I was still bright and perky, these very suspect looking so called 'oil rig workers' came and went, 'hey! Let's take this guy to our secret love lair!' and it turned out they were actually the Village People and they wrote their phone number on a piece of their ripped shirts and gave it to me so I phoned them and booked them for your birthday!"  
  
"Zhat is such an emotional story mein freund!" sobbed Kurt, now nearly in hysterics, "I LOVE YA BIG GUY!"  
  
"Er, yeah."  
  
Charles laughed evilly and hovered away.  
  
And so the party ended. And everyone was happy. But the X-Men cleaned up their rubbish, for they care for the environment! So they got in their van and drove off, to who knows what kind of adventure awaited them. Tune in next time folks!  
  
(^)(^)(^)(^)(^)(^)(^)(^)(^)(^)(^)(^)(^)(^)  
  
Yay! I like this version of this chapter! I couldn't resist the X-Men jiving to the Village People. And those people in the desert really do remind me of the Village People. When I first saw that episode I kept humming YMCA. Ja. So um, yeah. If you read chapter 1 you will see where I was setting this up, but I forgot. Aw. But then I remembered. Yay! And now, I bid you adieu. 


	8. Of The Final Reckoning

One word-school. School is the reason I haven't updated in.. however many days. But, I'm back! With a vengeance! Ok, maybe not a vengeance, but new songs on my mind, namely The Darkness who ARE GREAT! WOOHOO! Long live cat suits and big hair! Anyway, off we go!  
  
(^)(^)(^)(^)(^)(^)(^)(^)(^)(^)(^)(^)(^)(^)(^)(^)(^)(^)(^)(^)  
  
"Children! COME TO ME!" roared Charles from his floaty wheelchair.  
  
And they came. They flocked to him like seagulls to an overlarge portion of chips.  
  
"Oh what is Charles I beseech thee!" pleaded Rogue.  
  
"Don't worry Rogue it doesn't concern you."  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"Rogue," sighed the Professor, "it has come to my attention that I don't like you cos you're too grumpy. So I'm abandoning you."  
  
"NO! YOU CAN DO THIS TO ME!" wailed Rogue, "IT WILL JUST PROVE WHAT AN OUTCAST I AM AND MAKE ME MORE GRUMPY!"  
  
At this everyone looked surprised that she COULD be grumpier.  
  
"FORGET IT! GOODBYE CHARLES! GOODBYE EVERYBODY! I SHALL LEAVE YOU NOW!"  
  
And a submarine appeared nearby. A yellow submarine.  
  
"Since when were we near some water?" asked a puzzled Scott.  
  
"Handy continuity error, alzough, hey, shouldn't ve be at a beach?" said a now almost-as-puzzled-as-Scott Kurt,  
  
"Hah! Goodbye! I'm off!" yelled Rogue and leapt into the yellow submarine where some men with funky haircuts were waiting.  
  
"Hey shouldn't ve at a beach?" asked Kurt. Again.  
  
"Not really." Muttered Charles, "you see, the school term has started again, and I can't let saving the world come between you and a good education."  
  
"That'd be a first," muttered Bobby.  
  
"SILENCE! I have turned over a new leaf, I want you all to be educated." Said Charles.  
  
"Hah! Enjoy yerself kids!" laughed Logan, "haw haw haw!"  
  
"I don't know what you're laughing about Logan, you're going to school too. And Storm."  
  
They both looked puzzled. And I am terrified, cos guess who just came on the radio, DAVID BOWIE! Scary, though I have a theory now, I tend to write these on Sundays half way through the afternoon which is when 'Attack of the 80s' is on the radio. I hope that's why any way.  
  
"Why do we need to go to school Charlie boy?" asked Logan.  
  
"Because I want the house ALL to, MYSELF!, Er, I mean, um, because of yours and Storms TRAUMATIC childhood, you might have missed out on MUCH needed education.  
  
"I don't want no education," sulked Logan.  
  
"Oh get over it dumb head, if anyone needs education it's you mate!" said Scott, hmm, SCATHINGLY!  
  
"YEAH DUMBO!" yelled random kid.  
  
And Logan ran off crying. Like a girly.  
  
"But Professor, we shall be SHUNNED at school!" wailed Jean Jean, wringing her hands pathetically.  
  
"Then you shall go in disguise. I have already sorted them out." Answered Charles smugly.  
  
And that was why the X-Men were all standing on the roof of the garage next to the Mansion Home. So no one could see them, of course.  
  
"I have done a lot of highly sophisticated scientific research," said Charles, "step forward one at a time and I shall give you your uniforms."  
  
The first to step forward was, hmm, Hank.  
  
"I still do not understand why I need to go to school Charles I am smart, and doctery and-"  
  
"LOOK ME IN THE EYES HANK! YOU WILL GO TO SCHOOL AND CAUSE NO PROBLEMS!"  
  
"Ooh! What am I wearing Charles?"  
  
"That's more like it," cackled Charles rubbing his hands together craftily, "well obviously we have problems with you being blue and ape like and everything, SO, I had to be ultra scientific."  
  
And he threw a large sheet over Hank.  
  
"There you go, no one will ever know."  
  
"Wow Charles, you're so smart!" said Hank in AWE!  
  
"NEXT!"  
  
Jean Jean was given a large glittery wig, a fake beard, a pair of clown shoes and a watch. That made all the difference. No one would recognise her. Bobby was given some face paints. He was imaginative so the Professor trusted him to do a good job.  
  
"KURT!"  
  
"My go! Yay!"  
  
"Ok Kurt, give me your watch."  
  
"Ok Professor."  
  
Charles fiddled around a bit.  
  
"Ok, you MUST NOT put this on until you go to school.  
  
"Ja, ok."  
  
"Meester Sco-ott!"  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"Your turn!" snapped Charles.  
  
"Whatya got me?"  
  
"THESE!"  
  
And he held out a pair of beautiful shades. Beautiful to Charles anyway.  
  
"Er-"  
  
"I know, you're speechless!"  
  
"Something like that."  
  
"I got the inspiration from the 'Wonderwall' video. I thought that Liam is it? I don't know, I'll call him that anyway. He had some great shades on with large circles on them, which I understand are lights. So, I copied those pictures and drew them on with permanent marker. I then stuck these hilarious eyeballs on springs to them. I think I did a great job."  
  
"Greeeat!"  
  
"Log-AN!" yelled Charles as Scott stepped off the podium. Cos he wanted a podium.  
  
"Whattya got me?" asked Logan.  
  
"Well, you need to look younger, so I thought, what makes people look young? Then I realised, LEATHER! Yay! SO all your clothes are made of leather and you have this flippy floppy hat and I wrote 'I'm not an old man with a healing factor' on the back of the jacket.  
  
Logan's eyes lit up and tears formed in the corners. He was overwhelmed with emotion.  
  
When the last of the clothing was dished out, Charles disappeared off somewhere.  
  
"Hello? Is that you Charles?"  
  
"Yes my darling, I have come."  
  
"Oh Charles, did they catch on as to why you want the house to yourself?" asked the mystery voice.  
  
"Oh no my love. Not one. Soon we shall be enjoying ourselves completely.  
  
"Lets start now Charles!"  
  
"OH YEAH!"  
  
(^)(^)(^)(^)(^)(^)(^)(^)(^)(^)(^)(^)(^)(^)(^)(^)(^)(^)(^)(^)  
  
"Hey, what's this?" asked the one known as Kitty.  
  
"Hmm, read it out," apondered Hank.  
  
"Hello my young companions, whilst you are at school, so as not to ruin these GREAT disguised I formed for you, you shall go by new names. I shall list them on a piece of paper enclosed within." Read Kitty.  
  
"Vizin vhat?" asked Kurt.  
  
"Um, oh yeah! PS, I couldn't find any more paper so I wrote it on the back of this note!" finished Kitty.  
  
"OH!"  
  
"Hey, you know it's a good thing we just took a time leap to just before we leave for school!" said Scott.  
  
"Yeah it sure is!" agreed Logan.  
  
"Shall I read them?" asked Kitty.  
  
"Well duh!"  
  
"Ok then, Logan-Ricky, Bobby-Archie, Jean Jean-Henrietta, Scott-Dave, Hank- Boris, Kitty-Dartyhrtkjasg, Storm-Gregorietta, Random kids-all called Harry or Isssabellle and Kurt-Kurtina. If I have forgotten anyone, well, not my problem! Signed with loving kisses, Charles." Said Kitty, er, I mean Dartyhrtkjasg.  
  
"Um, vhy am I called Kurtina?" asked a confused Kurt as he put on his watch.  
  
"Er, that would be why," said Dartyhrtkjasg pointing at KurtINAS new body.  
  
"OOH!"  
  
And so they all piled into a random car. In their great costumes. Springs were a-jangle, face paint was applied, leather was worn, fake beards were flouffed and everyone was happy. The random car pulled in to school, and a new adventure began.  
  
(^)(^)(^)(^)(^)(^)(^)(^)(^)(^)(^)(^)(^)(^)(^)(^)(^)(^)(^)(^)  
  
Ta-dah! Was that not great! I am going to continue this story in another story! A sequel! Yee haw! Twill follow their adventures at school, ooh! My complete and utter no knowledge of American school shall shine through! Yay! And the great costumes shall disguise the true identities! Just a note, I invented the great shades as to be worn by CKYKIE, their name, Wondershades! I was bored in English and had the video for Wonderwall stuck in my head so THEY BELONG TO ME! MWAHAHAHA! Rock on! 


End file.
